The beginning of this week was quite eventful for us, to say the least. In the 24 hours from Monday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon, I went from feeling as though I had failed Brooke to discovering my inner Mama Bear will fight back at all costs.
For some time now, I have had many misgivings about Brooke's GI doctor. His personality and mine never meshed, and I left every appointment with him feeling as though I was an awful parent and should question my mamma instincts for Brooke. Monday afternoon we were scheduled for a weight check to monitor her weight gain on her new Blenderized Diet, and I had intentions of asking to switch to a different GI doctor that day. My stress levels are high enough, and I recognized that our incompatible personalities and viewpoints on medicine were causing me undue worry!
The appointment was only to see the nurse on Monday, and we were taken to the weight check room for measuring. I told the nurse, one whom we had never seen before, that I had not received the official weight and height measured at her appointment two weeks prior and asked her to tell me what they were before we began. She did so and offered to write the measurements from her appointment two weeks prior, and two months prior, in addition to today's weight for my records. I thanked her and proceeded to get Brooke down to her diaper for the weight check while the nurse wrote things down for me.
As soon as Brooke was ready, we placed her on the electronic scale. Once the numbers stabilized the nurse went to do her calculations and I took Brooke off the scale to run around. The nurse announced that her weight was 21.6 pounds. I asked if she was sure, and can we weigh her again, because that number was much lower than the 22.6 pounds she had weighed two weeks prior. In this moment I look at the scale and notice that some numbers are appearing on the scale, despite nothing being on it, and there is a cloth underneath it to level it- I assume this is some sort of calibration and say nothing.
We plop Brooke back on the scale, and sure enough, it reads 21.6 pounds again. I flabbergasted. The two weeks since our last appointment, I had increased Brooke's protein, fat, and calories, to match the amount she would have gotten on manufactured formula and for a 1200 calorie, per the dietician's recommendation. I had OBSESSED (as previously mentioned) on making sure she gained weight. That weight devastated me. I was beside myself.
The nurse escorted Brooke and I to a private room, to weight while the GI doctor reviewed the numbers. A while later, another nurse came in to the room to tell me his recommendations. She pulled our Brooke's growth chart and showed me how she was "plummeting" off the growth chart, and that the doctor wanted me to immediately put her on a hypoallergenic formula, and surely she has some sort of absorption issue. I was bawling my eyes. Told the nurse that is just didn't make sense to me- she was THRIVING by all other means on the whole foods diet I blended for her. I was reassured that I was a good mother and of course doing my best for her. But, I needed to change Brooke's diet immediately, because she's not absorbing the whole foods.
It did not make sense. She had gained on a "whole foods" formula, but not my homemade whole foods that I have painstakingly made and measured for her?
I left the office without asking for a new GI doctor. I felt stuck. Tearfully, I called my husband to tell him the news. He was as confused as I was. The child that runs around our house all day, and refuses to nap, or sleep, surely could not be failing to thrive again?
Must of the rest of the afternoon I spent crying and panicking about what to do. Thankfully, I had an evening work meeting to distract me, and I gladly left for it to take my mind off of how I was failing my child.
While I was out, Griffin texted me that he decided to weigh Brooke after her bath. We had been doing regular weight checks every other day for the previous two weeks and she had consistently been at 22.8-23.0 pounds. Her weight that night? 23.8 pounds, completely naked. How could our scale be over two pounds off from the GI scale and show a weight gain, when they showed a weight loss?
The following morning, I called my husband before feeding Brooke breakfast telling him I wasn't sure what to feed her. I didn't like the hypoallergenic formula that they had given us, as it was over 50% corn syrup solids, contained cancer-causing Phenyluekotronics, and was a chemically-derived mess. The polar opposite of what I had been feeding her for six weeks. Griffin stopped my tirade, and told me to "make a blend and feed that to her, she doesn't need that formula, I don't believe that she's lost weight. Make a blend." So, I hung up the phone and made a simple blend, removing any potential allergen, and using minimal ingredients.
I then called the pediatrician and begged for a weight check that day, so we could have a third scale verify which scale was correct. The were happy to get us in, and we went later that afternoon.
Upon entering the weight check room at the pediatrician, I explained to the nurse what was going on and told her that I just needed to know the truth. She expressed her sympathy to my frustration and said we should weigh Brooke on the old-school weighted scale, as it is more accurate (who knew?!). Sure enough, Brooke was 23.4 pounds!! For good measure, we took her to the electronic scale, and that read 22.8 pounds. She recorded the 23.4 pounds in Brooke's chart and told me to let the GI doctor know it was there to see.
I was ecstatic! My momma bear instincts were spot on, and my daughter was thriving on the foods I was feeding her!
After coming home, I called the GI doctors office and firmly, but politely, told them that their scale was wrong and needed to be calibrated, that Brooke was gaining not losing, and that I would prefer a new GI doctor. The voicemail I received in return for the GI nurses was very apologetic and they indicated they were happy to switch Brooke's care to the doctor I requested if we preferred that.
Moral of the story is that I learned a lot about my inner Momma Bear, and that the truth I learned in the NICU with Brooke about always looking at the baby and not the monitor (ie numbers) still holds true. She is a happy, vibrant, growing, little girl, and anyone who looks at her can see that.
We don't have room on Brooke's medical team for anyone who refuses to work with us for her continued improvement, looking at the whole picture, or anyone that bullies, talks down to, or attempts scare tactics, over-dramatizations, and other unprofessional behavior. I am very much looking forward to meeting Brooke's new GI doctor next week, hand selected by me for his qualifications- Gastroenterology and Nutrition. Hoping my Mamma Bear senses are right on this one, too.
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